What’s next…

Posted on April 9, 2013 by kirsty

Well, the Five in Five charity dating challenge is well and truly over. For those who have been eagerly awaiting an update… I did not meet my future husband BUT I did raise a good wad of cash for a great cause AND I rediscovered my buried passion for writing.

As a child I used to write my own stories on the weekends. One of my favourites was titled ‘Matilda Mantis’… the autobiography of a praying mantis who meets a lovely boy mantis on her travels around the garden then devours him after the deed is done… Pretty advanced writing (and knowledge) for a ten year old. (I dare say my father or older brother may have helped me come up with that one.)

I remember the excitement in creating the story, re-writing it several times to get it right and then the hours spent re-writing it on special paper, in my neatest handwriting and then drawing praying mantises on each page. I then bound the pages together with green curly ribbon so it was officially a REAL book. Even if no one was ever going to read it, the process of writing, creating and sharing a story lit me up inside. I was as much in love with the writing process as the finished product.

When I hit high school things changed and the focus shifted away from the creative process towards regurgitating words from a textbook and pumping out assignments. Despite attending the young writers’ camp in Grade 8 and then dappling in creative writing electives at university, I never actually just sat down and wrote for the pure pleasure of it… that was until I hit 30 and had the ludicrous idea to go on five dates in five weeks for charity.

With all the positive feedback from Five in Five (for my writing and my dating, of course), I have decided to keep on writing. I’ll be writing from my soul to yours, sharing my wannabe yoga hippie-take on my encounters, experiences and learnings.

I hope you continue to enjoy these musings… I’ll be sure to throw in a few more date stories when the material (read: men) becomes available.

UPDATE Five in Five: It’s just a date.

Posted on March 16, 2013 by kirsty

With 6 Five in Five Charity dates, and a handful of non-charity dates now under my belt, at the ripe age of 30… I think I’m finally starting to understand what the “dating game” is all about.

I used to hate first dates for three reasons:

1. …because I’ve been on bad ones in the past and anytime I thought of giving someone else a shot with a first date, those uncomfortable memories resurfaced and made me squirm.

2. … because I (and all those external social factors) put too much pressure on the situation. Instead of going with the attitude of ‘it’s just a date’ and seeing what happens, I arrived with a whole handbag of expectations (about myself, the situation, the date, and what happens next).

3 … because I never knew what to wear.

In hindsight, the problem with my first dates was generally never the dates themselves but all of the bulls*#t I pilled on top of them. If only I had possessed this well-earned dating wisdom a decade ago. Continue reading →

UPDATE Five in Five: Date #5 DONE!

Posted on March 11, 2013 by kirsty

Two major news stories came out of Brisbane at lunch time on Friday…

Story #1: I completed Date #5 of the Five in Five Charity Dating Challenge!!

Story #2: The Queen Street Mall was evacuated as dozens of heavily-armed police took down a shirtless gunman.

Hard to believe isn’t it!? Date #5!!! … which means… It’s all done… or is it?… More on that breaking news headline later..

The week in review:

I have to say, up until this week I had been going great guns with this Five in Five Charity Dating Challenge. But in the last few days, with no 5th Date scheduled by the challenge deadline, I was feeling a little under the gun. Failing the Five in Five challenge had never been an option… I thought I’d dodged a bullet when a friend agreed to be my ‘Date #5 backup plan’ but he was struck down with a bad case of the man flu.

When I first told my colleague Gai about this challenge, she went downstairs, all guns blazing, and hit up one of our colleagues for a date. He said no. And that was that. But with only 3 days until the end of the challenge and no Date #5, I decided to bite the bullet and send him an email. Would he stick to his guns??

At the 11th hour, he appeared in my office and surrendered. The date was scheduled for later that day.

At 12 noon Date #5 arrived to collect me from my office and we ventured over to our local cafe for a cuppa (well away from the siege in the Mall). We spent the next hour chatting about our roles at work, plans for the weekend, home renovations, holiday destinations, investing, meal planning, tax, dating and future goals. It’s amazing how you can work with someone for over a year but not know anything about them. That is, until a charity date forces you to actually get to know each other.

” I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return.” (quoted in the Broadway Show Wicked)

The people I have met through the Five in Five charity dating challenge have been no exception. In fact, I might even go as far as to say that I have learnt as much about myself during these 5 weeks of dating as I have on intensive yoga and self-inquiry retreats in the past.

In sharing his own goals, Date #5 made me realise that it’s time for me to re-visit my vision and goals and start taking some action towards them… NOW!

When I first signed up for this Five in Five Charity Dating Challenge I was doubtful I could find 5 dates within the 5 weeks. Anyone will tell you there is a man drought in Brisbane! But by being excited about the challenge, putting it out there as a S.M.A.R.T goal and enrolling everyone around me in that goal, I not only reached my goal… I SMASHED IT!

What’s a smart goal you ask?

S.M.A.R.T goals are:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable (50% of the time… you gotta give yourself a challenge!)

Realistic

Timley

For example:

I will go on five dates with five kind, easy-going, smart and irresistibly good-looking eligible bachelors by Friday 8th March 2013 and raise $200 for charity.

Did I achieve my SMART goal?! YES!

In fact, I went on 6 dates in 3 weeks and made $325 for charity. That is the power of setting goals…and sticking to them!

Now it’s your turn. Grab a pen and write down your answers to these questions:

1. In 30 seconds or less, write down the 3 most important goals in your life right now?

2. What would you do if you won $10 million?

3. What would you do if you had 6 months to live?

4. What one great thing would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?

5. What is the legacy you wish to leave?

Now that you know what’s important to you…

Turn those answers into SMART goals.

E.g. If your answer to Question #3 was: travel to Spain with my family… your goal is:

I take my family to Spain for 2 weeks by December 2015.

Then you get to fill in the steps to get you there.

For example:

How much money do you need to save each week to get you there?
What action do you need to take today to be able to achieve that goal? (e.g. make coffee instead of spending $5 a day to have someone make it for you)

Anyway…I digress… Back to Date #5.

So after having a coffee and almost getting hit (slight exaggeration) by a fresh produce delivery van, Date #5 walked me back to my office.

We were greeted by Cupid Gai who took the photo to prove the date happened…

And here’s where we are at:

$325 in the donation kitty. Donate here and get me to $400 so I can go on some 2nd dates!
Five Dates in Five Weeks COMPLETE! – Thank you to Date #5 for saving the day

It may be over…

Or maybe, this is just the beginning…?

UPDATE Five in Five: S(t)imulation Time

Posted on March 4, 2013 by kirsty

Friday night was Date #4. This was another completely ‘blind’ date and I think the set-up went something like this…

I told my colleagues that I needed some single eligible bachelors for my Five in Five charity dating challenge. One of those colleagues told her husband. That husband told his colleagues. One of those colleagues told her husband. That husband then told his colleagues. And one of those colleagues said, “That sounds like a job for me”.

A few days later I got a call informing me I was being taken on a date… wine and tapas at South Bank with a Simulator Technician. Again, I had to keep my wits about me. An extra glass of wine and I may have accidentally slipped an extra ‘t’ into his job title, sending out the signal that I was inviting him back for “coffee” and we all know that’s not how you do a first date… with a complete stranger… for charity…. yesss CHARITY. Contrary to what my brother may tell you, that is the reason behind all of this ‘frivolous dating’ (as he calls it)…

The Five in Five dating challenge ends this Friday 8th March, and together the participants have raised a whopping $47, 141 for local charities that work to break the cycle of social disadvantage. $245 of that has come from my team of brilliant colleagues, friends and family. If you haven’t already donated and want to, you can do so until Friday via my Sponsorship Page. Donations are tax deductible and can even be anonymous if you so wish.

It turned out that Date #4 had spent the day at a charity golf day on the Gold Coast, making me his second charity case for the day. We shared stories about the different things we have done for charity. One year, Date #4 was involved in a competition involving the Bridge to Brisbane fun run. The sick kids who he was raising funds for got to choose what outfit he would wear for the 10km run. Even as a pink fairy in a tutu and glittery wings, he completed the race in good time. That was possibly the same year I was on the sideline, cheering on the competitors to keep them motivated and inspired…

It got me thinking about just how far out of my comfort zone I’d go to support a good cause…

And then came the call from potential Date #5…

I call him ‘Potential Date #5′ only because our schedules don’t allow us to meet before the challenge ends on Friday. So I’ve said yes to the date BUT really do need to get another one in before Friday. Anyway… this guy is my boss’s massage therapist. He said he wanted to go on a fun date, something I hadn’t done before (I could feel my comfort zone shrinking…). Then he said it, “let’s go dancing…”. What I heard was …

My brother is familiar with the Brisbane salsa dancing scene so I asked him if he knew this guy and yes he does. Not only does this guy know how to dance… he’s Australian Salsa Solo Champion…. So now, it’ll just be ME humiliating MYSELF on the dance floor… ahhh the things you do for charity

Here is the photographic evidence of Date #4. He decided to leave his pink tutu at home for this charity event.

There are so many people doing great things to help others. Two of my friends deserve a special mention here….

Cheryl: I met Cheryl when I was teaching English in Japan. She is currently working on a volunteer project created after the 2011 earthquake in Japan. It’s called Peace by Piece and is all about building community through art.

Zac: Zac is a fellow yogi and he’s about to take his yoga off the mat and onto the saddle. He’s participating in the epic Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer. Check out his page for all the details.

If you think helping others is sexy, click here . The more times you click and donate, the sexier you become. You should try it!

UPDATE Five in Five: Date #2 Bring your A-Game

Posted on March 3, 2013 by kirsty

On Thursday night, I headed to Victoria Park Golf Course for a game of Putt Putt with Date #2 (which was actually Date #3).

To set the scene… Date #2 had previously worked in my office and left before I started working there. Within a week of finding out I was single, my colleagues were on a mission to set us up. They were convinced we’d make the perfect couple and, despite us having never met, had pretty much planned our wedding and named our first born child…eeeeek! One day he stopped by for a visit and I could see why my colleagues had rated him so highly… he was obviously quite the catch.

Fast forward a few months and here I am in the office, telling the girls I’ve signed up to do Five in Five - Five dates in five weeks with five different peo… I hadn’t even finished explaining it and my colleague Gai had already emailed Date #2 the details. He was in.

We exchanged a few text messages and the date was set – Putt Putt if the weather was fine, bowling and a burger if it was raining.

Now you already know from my previous post that my father is a big fan of this guy. Date #2 is a bus driver and stunt man, and after my dad’s recent ‘stunt’ falling down an escalator backwards at Central Station, he thought they’d be kindred spirits. My best friend is pretty keen for her ‘almost born’ son to have an Uncle Batman and my colleagues ‘just want us both to be happy’.

With pressure coming at me from all angles I knew I had to bring my A-game (pun intended)…

Those who know me well, know I have a pretty witty sense of humour and a love of language. One of my ‘things’ is that I often interpret what people say literally and end up in a fit of giggles. And when you’re going to play putt putt with a very handsome bus-driving stunt man, there are many things that could be said and taken out of context. We created a ‘whatever you say Kirsty, don’t say this’ list, which included:

“Do you have a favourite route?” (bus driver)

And due to my readership (hi Mum and Dad) I’ll stop that list right there.

So with a long list of what not to say and a whole lot of external expectations on my mind, I was paralysed and didn’t play my A-game (in Putt Putt or dating) but I did have a lot of fun… and who knows, maybe I’ll get a second go…

If you think Date #2 should give me a second chance to drop the expectations and play my dating A-game, donate here …

http://my.artezpacific.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=532976&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=http%3a%2f%2ffiveinfive.org.au%2f

p.s. As we putted our way around the course, we chatted a bit about dating and how to pick up. We have both had the experience of a random pick up – him on the bus, and me at the shopping centre. We both gave credit where credit was due and followed through with a date. There’s something to be said for having the guts to pick up.

Here’s a little diagram to show just how simple it is…

And now for the PROGRESS CHECK:

4 dates done, 1 to go (Date #4 blog coming soon)
Date #5 scheduled for next Saturday – this one is completely out of my comfort zone… watch this space
Financial goal reached – currently $245 in the donation kitty! Donations close on Friday so hop to it!

Every person is a new door to a different world.

Posted on February 27, 2013 by kirsty

I know you’re excited to read about my Five in Five dating Challenge, but first, a little task for you …

I invite you to pause for a moment… settle your awareness on a person that you share a close connection with. It could be a friend, a colleague, a lover, even a pet…. Bring the image of their face into your mind’s eye. Now, recall a special, happy time you have shared…. How did you feel at that moment? Now, think of how your world has changed just by having that special person in it… notice the smile that has formed on your face… pause and enjoy… Take a big breath in, letting that smile spread to every cell of your body and a loooong breath out, grateful for the world they have opened up for you…

Hi there!

Aren’t we blessed to have such wonderful people in our life!? And isn’t it cool that at any moment we have the choice to open doors, and let new people into our life? And that we can do the same for others … connecting more and more people in this web of life?! Yeah I agree, it’s pretty sweet.

In the next two days, I’ll be connecting with two more dates, one I have met briefly and the other I have never met at all…. both through friends at work… worlds within worlds… connecting…

But with at least 2 dates in the next 2 days, there’s no time chat… I must get on with my pre-date prep…

Good night peeps… Happy connecting… and while you’re at it, please find me a Date #5

One of my favourite connections … My BFF: Kerri I’m so grateful to have you in my world!!

p.s. Kerri is arguably the #1 fan of this blog and my Five in Five dating challenge

p.p.s No we’re not sisters!

p.p.s Yes, it’s a wig!

UPDATE Five in Five: I had a goal and I smashed it!

Posted on February 25, 2013 by kirsty

We did it!! Thanks to the brilliant support of my friends, family, colleagues and a few anonymous donors, I have smashed my goal of raising $200 for charities that work to break the cycle of social disadvantage.

In fact, as at 5pm today, there is $235 sitting in my donation account! THANK YOU EVERYONE!

A few people have asked exactly what ‘charities that work to break the cycle of social disadvantage’ means. Well, those affected by social disadvantage include those who often have insufficient resources and connections to meet basic needs. It often results in low income, having limited access to education and healthcare, and being marginalised out of mainstream society. This significantly restricts their ability to participate in the community that they live in and leaves them in isolation and with a lack of supportive networks. There are 7 Australian charities involved with Five in Five and you can read about each on the ‘Who are we Supporting?’ page.

In my high school teaching days, I worked with several young people,

caught in this cycle of disadvantage and it is truly heartbreaking!! These kids came to school wearing the same under-sized tshirt they had worn every other day, on an empty stomach and often with no shoes, let alone school books. I hope that together we can break that cycle and create opportunities, connection and hope… It’s ironic really, as that is exactly what I have received as a participant in this challenge… opportunities, connections and hope. Let’s pay it forward!

As you’ve probably worked out by now, I am always up for a challenge… so here it is …

IF I CAN DOUBLE MY GOAL AND RAISE $400 BY 8TH MARCH, I WILL ASK ONE OF MY FIVE IN FIVE DATES FOR A SECOND DATE…

I feel like I should be throwing in a free set of steak knives to anyone who donates… but I won’t. Instead, you can wear a smile, knowing you have helped those in need. You can also wear a smile knowing that the more money I raise, the closer you are to seeing me being thrown out of a plane. EEEEK! Here’s the link to my SPONSORSHIP PAGE.

I might even run a poll so you can vote on which date you’d like to see me invite on a second ‘not for charity’ date!

So here’s where we are at:
Date #1 – DONE
Date #2 – planned for Thursday
Date #3 – DONE
Date #4 – planned for Friday
Date #5 – was expecting a call today but it didn’t happen… I NEED a Date #5 Pleeeeeaaase! Time is running out!

UPDATE Five in Five Date #3

Posted on February 23, 2013 by kirsty

Here’s what my Saturday looked like:5am – Get up, quick morning routine then hit the highway

7:30am – Yoga on the beach near Caloundra

9:30am – Mindfulness Meditation Coaching Course

1pm – fish and chips on the beach then hit the highway home

3pm – return missed call from Date #4 (drinks and tapas penciled in diary for this Friday)

3:30pm – enter ‘fish and chips’ induced coma

6pm – Get ready for Date #3

7pm – Arrive at “The Three Monkeys” West End for Dessert with Date #3

One of my biggest aims as a Yoga teacher (and human being) is to make the principles of Yoga and Mindfulness relevant and accessible to all. Yoga and Mindfulness, in my experience, provide us with universal tools that we can use in our daily lives to feel more content, calm and connected. And yes, these tools can be applied to ‘dating’ too.

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, there are 8 Pillars of Mindfulness, which if embraced in our daily life, are a prescription for living a more full life. If at any time, we find ourselves in a place of dis-ease, we can reflect on these 8 pillars to see what we need an extra dose of to bring us back to wholeness and out of suffering.

The 8 pillars are:

1. Non-Judging

2. Patience

3. A Beginners Mind

4. Trust

5. Non-striving

6. Acceptance

7. Letting Go

8. A Sense of Humor

You might be wondering how on earth this translates to dating but by gosh it does!

Let’s look at ‘Beginner’s Mind’. The Japanese Zen Master, Suzuki Roshi, is famous for having said,

“In the Beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few”

Beginners come to new experiences not knowing so much and therefore open. Having a beginner’s mind, means taking the chance to see something as if for the first time, without allowing our illusion of knowing, prevent us from being present to the experience unfolding in front of us.

Okay, back to Date #3… I had already had a very successful Date #1. I had been to our venue many times (some might say I was a ‘regular’) AND I already knew Date #3 pretty well through mutual friends. As I walked the million miles to the venue (NB: Parking in West End on a Saturday night is horrific), I realised I needed to flick the switch and put on my beginner’s mind. As a result, I learnt a lot about Date #3 that I didn’t already know. And my experience at the venue was different to any time before it… and it was a lot of fun!

So, how was Date #3? First, let’s look at this excerpt from “The Complete Book of Rules – time tested secrets for capturing Mr Right”…

So to answer that question…”Date #3 was nice! We had a lot of fun”

And here is the mandatory photo to prove it happened…

“The Complete Book of Rules” also suggests complimenting your date on ‘his choice of restaurant, shirt or good sense to ask you out’. Who am I to break the rules?! I kindly complimented Date #3 on his choice of venue as we entered, to which he replied, “I’m pretty sure you chose this place in the end”. Oooops! Good time to embrace Mindfulness Pillar #8 – A sense of humour.

And by the way, Date #3… I really like your shirt!

If you like Date #3′s choice of shirt too, let him know by clicking here: http://my.artezpacific.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=532976&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=direct%2fnone

Kirsty Innes

yoga.connection.inspiration

Category Archives: Inspiration